last night

last night i had a dream that i was on a reality show about bros. at the beginning of the dream, all of the bros and i had to get inside this big ridiculous lifted truck. i wanted to sit in the front, but they informed me that was where the camera man sat. i turn around to find a spot and saw my girlfriend kissing one of them. there were these secret seats. the bro truck was so big that there were a row of seats under the third row of seats. the driver informed me that if he crashed i would die. i told him that i was alright with that.

we get to our destination. surprisingly it was a peaceful grassy field in the middle of nowhere. the bros jumped out of the car and began frolicking, some of them even began jumping rope. i noticed that one of them in particular didn't have a hand. when he caught me staring he turned away and lost his confidence, as his confidence drained he began losing more body parts. eventually he approached me as a full body, smiling and willing to talk. time had passed and i stopped seeing him. an old friend of mine showed up and told me to deal with my problems. he pointed behind a lone pillar in the field.

i walked to the pillar and found the guy. he was only a head sitting by himself, trying to hold his tears back. i remember treating the head like some sort of pet. resting my hand on his hat, asking him what was the matter. he would wobble himself my direction and lean against my leg, telling me i wouldn't understand, eventually forcing out these words.

"i can't do this anymore. i can't take this anxiety, this panic"

i frantically jumped up to face him.
sharing with him everything i had learned.
giving advice i didn't even know i had.
we spoke until he became whole again.
we spoke until i became whole again.

My father chills with the neighbor kids.

Sometimes the doorbell rings and I'm forced to run upstairs and answer it because no one else is home. I open the door and there they are, two little Mexican kids. A boy and a girl asking if my dad is home, hahaha.

He teaches them about organic gardening and stuff, sometimes shows them DVDs about political shit that I'm almost certain they find boring. But hey, they keep coming back. A couple days ago I was eves dropping while my dad was trying to convince them to stop drinking milk. I heard them shout, "rice milk? ALMOND MILK? ewwww!". It was cute.

Cute as it may be, they're in the living room right now playing some freeze tag-type of game. My studio is in the bottom portion of the house. I can hear every word, every movement. each footstep is a loud creek followed by much louder thumps.

There goes recording today.

Coffee Shop

I finished the last song I needed to record for the flatsound/Christopher McFetridge split album. They'll be released on cassette through Jeune Ete Records.

Coffee Shop
i want to know where you're going
on the way to the coffee shop
because when your body drops
there's nothing left
i was told you were different
i was told you were done with this
i know old habits die hard
but this is ridiculous
you stood there so scared you couldn't talk
then took my hand and led me around the block
and showed me what those boys have done

we use to skip class on thursdays
to take the bus into Oceanside
just to go to the graveyard
and smoke until we felt alive
and we talked about dying
the release of our energy
like a flower you've never touched
like a painting you've never seen
you admit that you used to be
so scared of eternity
but that shore of timelessness
is something you need to see
the more you talked about that endless coast
the less your words were timid when you spoke
and that's what scared me the most

we would speak in a whisper
and only talk when we needed to
and drink all the alcohol
we found in the living room
you lied there so confident
with an aura around your soul
you're the flower i've never touched
you're the painting im lookin' for
i went to the old abandoned house
where someone had told me they knocked it down
and i felt everything hit the ground

i want to know where you're going
on the way to the coffee shop
because when you're body drops
there's nothing left
now you're the breeze in the summertime
you're the footsteps in the snow
you're the flower that i have lost
you're the painting im lookin' for

I'm going to take a late morning nap now, goodnight <3

A man, an old woman, and her cat.

I went for a walk about a half hour ago. Nothing big, just up the street so I could get a view of down town at this hour. On the way I noticed a light coming from my neighbors home, it lit up their living room and made them visible. I've never spoken to them, but they seem chill. I like the idea of grown ups being up that late. There was a man in the kitchen talking to a very old women in the living room, she had a cat on her lap and a television in front of her. They would occasionally laugh.

With time the television disappeared, along with the unused furniture and everything else. There were no electronics, there was no painting on the wall. There was no panic disorder, there was no shaking, there was no worry. There was just a man, an old woman, and her cat. As the laughter settled, so did my stomach.

Before it could continue I pulled myself away from the scene and continued walking, assuring myself that this town isn't all bad.

things i made today

"666"

"spiders, whores, and that awful pain in my stomach"

.

I walked into the living room and caught my dog watching political television. She rested her body on the pillow and didn't blink from the screen. If it hadn't been for the light coming from the television I would not have seen her at all, but having it off would defeat the purpose to why she is doing this to me again.

You're only one dog, there's nothing you can do or say that will better the nations economy. You don't even spend money.

Would you like to give me kisses?
Oh my God, what a beautiful couch.

i want to get out of here

I know its a bit cliche to complain about about wanting to leave the town you live in. Everybody wants something they don't have, everybody wants to get out of here. Face it, no matter where you go you're going to feel like leaving. There's going to be the same people, driving to the same Wal-Mart, giving you the same looks. Hopefully, there will also be that same coffee shop you're grateful for. You know, the one you lie to your friends about, telling them you've been going there for years and years. Blah, even if I did manage such a thing, something tells me there's going to be another one of you there waiting for me.

"I don't want to weigh this down with too much thought. A clever metaphor isn't going to make me interesting, it isn't going to make this better, it isn't going to assure me that you're reading this. Shit, i don't even know if you're reading this."

Correction, I know you're not reading this. It gives me the confidence to tell you what a confusing bitch you are.